Gratitude

I remember a Facebook program a few years ago that ranked the top ten words you used in your posts.  Once it caught on, I remember scanning list after list and thinking about how the words matched with the friends I knew in life and their words on-line.


I don't remember my list.  I just remember looking at it and wondering if that was REALLY how I wanted the world to see me.  Are those the words that I wanted people to remember about me? They weren't bad -- I'd remember that -- they just weren't intentional.


It was a gentle reminder to be intentional in how you treat others.


November is a month in which we hear the word gratitude a lot.  It's important to shift the focus from ourselves - our dreams, wants, and desires, and to focus on what is real and what is a gift in our life.  For the last few years I posted daily what I was thankful for.  It allowed me to think about the small details -- from my garbage disposal to my family to my personal walk with God.  It gave me a new perspective on what I wanted.


I didn't write it publically this year.  Naysayers got to me - I admit it.  There were eye-rolling at the thankful posts, comments about how no one wants to hear what you're grateful for, the jokes poking fun.  I'm not sure why I let it affect me so -- but my list became personal and private this year.


Because at the end of the day, I do want to keep my attitude on others and show them that I'm grateful that they walk with me - even when our walks may be at a difference cadence. 


I think that has been my struggle this fall.  The volume of others has affected my voice.  I'm working on that. 


Therefore --


1.  I'm grateful for God.  For His son who loves me despite the fact that I make mistakes.  For the amazing miracles He performs.  For the times when He says yes and times when He says no.  I'm grateful that he gives me the opportunity to walk with others, shine at times, and allow others to shine.  He humbles me.


2.  I'm grateful for my family.  I love my husband and the four children we created.  It's not always easy; it's not always fun; however, it is a choice.  It is a choice to love each other despite our flaws and celebrate the fact that we were given this opportunity called life.  I would do anything for any of them.  They amaze me and bless me daily.  I'm grateful for their activities and lives.


3.  I'm grateful for my parents.  They sacrificed so much for me to help me to become the person I am today.  I can still hear my father showing me that how you treat others is important.  It's important to take the emotion out of situations and deal with them calmly.  After all, people are important.  My mom taught me compassion, determination, and patience.  Her gift was to help me see things through other's eyes.


4.  I'm grateful for my in-laws.  They raised my husband to be the man he is today.  Without them, my family wouldn't exist.  They give to my family over and over.  I appreciate this beyond words. 


5.  I'm grateful for my brother and his family.  My brother and sister-in-law and my two nephews who I don't get to see often enough.  My brother is so important to me - and I couldn't be prouder of the family he has created as well. 


6.  I'm grateful for my sister who lives in Vietnam with her husband and four beautiful children.  I pray for them daily, and I'm so excited to see them through social media.  This is a gift that has forged relationships and connections that give us glimpses through each others' eyes.  I love her story.  It's a beautiful one. 


7.  I'm grateful for my biological father and his wife.  Our story has not always been an easy one, but it's a part of us.  I'm grateful for the lessons learned. 


8.  I'm grateful for my friends -- for those who have walked with me for decades and those who were a season in my life.  May God hold you all in His hands.  I do believe our paths crossed for a reason, and I will love you all forever.


9.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to do what I love.  I love teaching.  It is my passion.  It is also hard work, frustration, and overwhelming at times.  Perspective becomes important.  I learn from my students every single day.  Fortunately, they learn from me as well.  I love every single one of them.  I care about them forever . . .


10.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to work with amazing people.  They encourage, inspire, and challenge me to be more. 


Finally, I'm grateful for the gift of possibilities . . . for my PLN who has opened my eyes, reaffirmed, and encouraged me in so many ways.  I've missed you this fall. 


That silly program so many years ago, helped me to see what words I want to focus on in my life.  Gratitude is at the top of my list, for it reminds me to look beyond myself and focus on serving others.  My list forced me to be intentional in how I want others to see me and affected my actions as such.


I would close with my class, "What do you want your words to be?" 

Grace

Timely.


A little while ago my phone rang.  It was my mom with news that I've been dreading since last March. 


My cousin has lost her 15 year battle with breast cancer.


She has always been my hero.  I used to love visiting her family -- she was three years older -- the perfect age for me to put her on a pedestal.  She never minded.  I can still hear her soft voice tinged with a Southern accent patiently talking, listening, accepting.


In my eyes she was always so good.


I'm pretty sure if you look up the word grace in a heavenly Bible, her picture would be there.  See, I always felt like I was a mess.  Scattered, crazy, all over the place - messy.  However Susan . . . oh gosh . . . she was always good.


I'm sure that wasn't the complete reality.  I know she had struggles -- she was human.


But she chose to see the good.


Yes -- chose it often.


I'm eternally grateful to learn this skill from her.  Even in pain, she would choose to see the good.  Despite the pain, she would talk about love.  Instead of focusing on the disappointments, she saw beauty.


Through her eyes, she changed me.


I know this is a little rambling . . . a little painful . . . the world just feels a little darker.


Though I know she's dancing with Jesus as I type.  I am so happy for her as my human heart weeps.


So tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and see the beautiful -- the sunrise, the smile on a child's face, the music flowing  . . . for her honor, I'm going to choose the positive.

Peace

As I sit here on a quiet morning, rain gently pattering against my window, spending some precious time alone with my thoughts and God, I can feel the quiet whisper of peace soothing my soul.

There are things in life that have me troubled now.  I believe the evil one does his best to turn up the volume on that chatter, to distract, to discombobulate, to disconcert.  He screams questions in my ear, echoes the dark doubts of my heart, demands my attention.

Therein likes the problem. I have a tantruming toddler doing his best to distract me from peace.

So where does my attention go?  The toddler who delights in my fears, encourages my doubts, engages in distraction or to the one who tells me not to worry?

It's amazing how fast I can be humbled by God.

Matthew 6: 25-34


"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?  


"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  \


So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


Therefore today I'm going to choose peace.  Allow the whispers to calm my worries and give them to the person who can do something about them.  Spend time listening to Him.  Turn down the volume on the constant chatter.

Today I will seek Him and the peace He provides.  I will intentionally seek His will above my own.  Today I will breathe easy and trust.


Thank you to Holly (@muellerholly) for her leadership and encouragement in the writing the weekly spiritual blog posts around a common theme.  Check out her master link at:  http://www.hollymueller.blogspot.com/  Feel free to join us.

The Connected Educator #compelledtribe

I began teaching in 1993.  In many ways that feels like a lifetime ago.  Somewhere along the line I went from the youngest teacher on staff to one of the oldest.  I think it happened with the decade that I spent at home raising my own four children.  I remember the steps back to being a part of the educational work force after my hiatus.  I was excited to teach again, nervous, but excited.


You see I had four children, a husband who travelled, and knew few in my immediate community.  My new job was in the school furthest from my home in my county, so I was a 30 minute drive minimum away from home.  I felt like an island - isolated and alone. 


I remember during the interview the principal asked me how I was going to make it work.  It was the question I dreaded most because I wasn't sure myself.  I know I came back with the comment that I loved teaching; it was my calling; I would work to make it work. 


That first year, I did just that.  I made it work.  I loved the kids, followed the scope and sequence, wrote a lot of curriculum, and graded a lot of essays.  My brain remembered the rhythm, the pacing, the love, and the kids responded.  I had a partner in crime, and the strong support of other ELA teachers.  The waters around my island receded.


This is what I've learned -- it's the connection piece that makes it work. 


Our assistant principal (@drizzinkwine) showed me how to take this beyond our district through how he used Twitter.  He kept telling me it was the most powerful tool in social media today.


I thought he was crazy.  He knows this.  I've had to eat my words over and over.


He mentioned a fellow co-worker who used Twitter well (@amsd2dth), encouraged me to give it a try, so I sat down and created an account.  I was immediately frustrated with not knowing how to access the information I wanted, so I assumed it wasn't there.  Therefore I gave it a half-hearted attempt and kept moving on with business as usual.  My account sat neglected.


Though I continued to listen.  That summer Dave Burgess was coming to speak to our staff regarding his book, Teach Like a Pirate.  I looked up an advanced copy of the title so I could see what it was all about.  Around that time my assistant principal popped in to see how things were going.  I swear he opened my eyes more in five minutes than the previous year.  Learning the simple tool of how to see hashtags and notifications - simple, I know, but the simple thing is I DIDN'T know - opened my skill set.  He also dropped a casual challenge - try a chat this summer.  I'm not sure if he remembers it, but he did it.  It changed me professionally.


On a Monday night early that summer, I decided to try the #tlap chat for the first time.  I think I had 9 followers, and I was following maybe 20.  I considered myself a creative teacher; however, that chat opened my eyes to so many possibilities.  I had my notepad down by my computer scribbling out ideas as fast as I could think of them.  I was inspired by the community.  A fellow educator mentioned doing this with an ELA focus (thank you @bhomel1).  I'm was inspired to say - YES! I want to help with this.  I had NO CLUE what I was doing, but I couldn't help it.  Fortunately @joykirr and @krinermom also wanted in.  The four of us led Twitter chats all summer -- #ELAtlap which has evolved into #ELAchat.


That one chat had me.  I have grown more as an educator in the past year and a half then I did in the first ten years combined.  Twitter has given me new perspectives, opened the door to different thoughts, and challenged me to be more for my students.  It provides a wealth of information, encouragement, and inspiration.  I've connected with teachers, authors, and have created a strong PLN that challenges me to stretch in different ways.


So throughout this rambling reflection (hence the title of my blog), I want to send encouragement to educators.  Step out of your comfort zone to become a connected educator.  Ask questions, jump in, be willing to try, be open to learning.  You will find validation, people you agree with, people you disagree with, and people who push you.  All of this will change you in small ways that will impact you as a professional - in positive ways. 


I'll issue you the challenge to pick a chat and try it for a month -- be consistent, engaged, and involved for that month and reassess how you feel at the end.  I have a feeling you'll be hooked, too!

Giving kids a voice.

Amid the fun of Spirit Week, I've had student presenting "Trash to Treasure" narrative essays this week.  I believe sharing these stories are one of the most important things I've done this year. 


I've laughed. I've cried. I felt like we've moved mountains as a class.


It starts with having students write a narrative essay about an object they hold dear.  It's the one thing that brings them happiness, comfort, the physical representation of memories. Students choose all types of objects, but the heart of the assignment remains the same - that everyone has a story to tell.


It changes the atmosphere in a room when you allow this to happen.


Some of the stories are funny.  One wrote about how he treasured his pants and gave insightful reasons behind them.  Interwoven in his story was how the microwave was invented because of a chocolate bar in a pair of pants.  He insists it's true.  I haven't looked yet; however, the story was compelling.  Another demonstrated riding on a clown bike as she described how she rescued it from the garage where it had been hiding for many years.  She and her sister have many memories about those bike.


Others are tasty.  Stories of recipes such as cookies or cheesecake can actually cause your mouth to water.  Beautiful tales are shared of family gatherings or traditions that take place in the kitchen. 


There are many who discuss difficult topics.  Death of family members is particularly difficult.  Holding the healing stone of a child's departed grandparent will tug at your heart.  Medals, hats, even memories that echo throughout houses and communities were all shared. 


All of this serves to weave a sense of community throughout the room.


"We've been friends for years, I never knew why this was so important to you."


"Her story was so beautiful.  I never knew . . . "


Stories humanize.  They give an opportunity to share insight, vulnerability, and build trust. 


There has been a shift in my classroom.  I notice people talking who don't always.  I see smiles that aren't always there.  I see concern for others.


This is a valuable lesson for our students.  As teachers we need to carefully plan the way.


First -- Share your story with the class.  Not only can students relate to you, but they have the opportunity to benefit from a mentor text.  It also gives you an opportunity to see what struggles they will face.


Second -- Allow for time for practice.  Model what you expect of students. 


Third -- When they get to the podium, leave them a note.  Tell them that their words are important.  This may seem silly, but it puts the child at ease.  Remind them to read it.  This gives them a chance to get comfortable in front of the class. 


Fourth -- Have the class share the positive.  I model this first with the students.  We listen to the presentation, and I point out things the child did well through his presentation and writing.  I mention specific words that drew me in, details that were exceptional.  I have each student write a post-it note to the speaker telling him of the things that he did right.  After a few speeches, I have them distribute them and shower the speaker in compliments.


This part is important.  We need to train our students to look for the positive and listen to the good.  For some, these pieces of paper don't mean a lot, but for others, they become treasure within themselves.  I watch kids carefully stack them and keep them in their notebook.


The goals for speaking are things that I will address privately.  I allow kids to practice during my plan - to see what it feels like in front of the room.  If they stumble, I tell them it's okay.  We brainstorm the WORST thing that can happen and dismiss it as impossible.  After all, if it really came true, our presentation would be the least of our worries. :)


Stories are important.  Kids need to find their voice to share their stories.  It can change life for them.


I'll close with one of my amazing stories . . .


I have a student who struggles with social situations.  He is disturbed by noise, and doesn't like sharing in front of the class; however, he also has a desire to do well and complete tasks that are asked of him.  Getting up in front of the classroom with his treasure, he told me that he really didn't want to do this.  I told him that it was okay.  He didn't have to want to, but that I had confidence that he could do it.  The class then joined in with comments of encouragement as well as an appreciation of having him as a member of the class.


So he started speaking.  As he went on, his excitement for his treasure grew.  He had the opportunity to share a special love of his -- a passion for bats.  I knew that he had carefully selected details to put into his paper that painted bats in a positive light for he couldn't bear for anyone to think badly of them.  When he reached the end of his paper, he started to ad-lib.  His natural humor emerged and he kept the class engaged for several minutes longer than the initial assignment.


I was able to sit at watch him shine.  At the end of the day, kids were still talking to him about it.  The last few days he's had an additional pep in his step and smile on his face.


He still tells me he didn't like presenting.  However, what he learned . . . oh what he learned . . . and the gift he shared . . . well, that will live on for a long time.

Communion #spiritualjourney

Thank you Holly (@muellerholly) for a thought-provoking topic.  I look forward to multiple perspectives every week as we walk together.




"Communion is a symbol."




We started our church service this week with these wise words.  Communion is a symbol of God's ultimate gift to us.  The gift of a re-do, reset, wiped clean scorecard.  I know I need it.  I don't deserve it, but I need it.




Isn't that what grace is?  Extending forgiveness when it's not deserved?  Forgiveness for the sins I know about, and forgiveness for the sins I'm unaware of.  Accepting that my human body will never be enough by itself, yet with God it is perfection.




Honestly it's one of my favorite time of the week.  I don't often complete it without a tear trembling, throat choking, humble acceptance of what is being offered.  It is a moment I need - a reminder of what God was willing to do for me. 




It just puts things in perspective. 




It resets my focus - what is important? pressing? overwhelming?  It resets my attitude - choosing love and forgiveness.  It resets my destination - for what he wants for me is so much better than I could ever imagine. 


Sometimes I wonder at my inability to keep a focus on what God wants instead of my own needs.  Like a child, I forget His perfect plan and allow myself to become mired in earthly concerns.  Therefore I'm grateful for this weekly reminder.  I'm grateful for the constant conversation. 




When it's dark - he is with me.  He reminds me of this weekly.  He brings the light to my heart.  As a human, I don't think I'm supposed to understand the dark.  He calls me to the light -- his love. 




A perfect love.




So I need that weekly wash, a gentle nudge, a reminder of Him. 

Forgiveness #spiritualjourney

Some days I wonder how to do it.


Forgive.


Many things are easy -- small things . . . easily dismissed with a smile and a kind word.


Others are much harder.


Much, much harder.


Usually it involves my children -- one in particular, my child --  mean words, hurled insults, taunting laugher, group gang mentality.  Quite honestly, it's why I became a middle school teacher.  I want to change this behavior -- create situations where kids see the humanness behind the façade they all wear.


Then I remind myself that we are human.  We make mistakes. 


I forgive; I feel better.


Then I fail again.  I see the perpetrators, unrepentant; I allow stirrings in my soul to feel negative. 


You see forgiveness is not an easy step.


Alone I will fail.  Alone I would harbor negative feelings. I would challenge the injustice of the situation.


I thank God daily that I'm not alone.  I'm grateful that he shares perspective with me.  I'm grateful that he doesn't give up on me. 


That alone brings me back to my knees to ask for His forgiveness.  After all He forgave me for so much more.  He forgives me when I fail.  He forgives me when I fumble.  He forgives me when I am foul. 


He extends grace over and over and over. 


That is a lesson worth learning.  I marvel at the sadness He must have felt when we turned our backs on him and His son.  If He can forgive that, then who am I to attempt anything less?