Being Real with Relationships

Relationships matter.

I say this often.  They do.  Without them we would be a society without passion, without commitment, without learning.  Most importantly - a world without meaning.

But what does that really mean?

Take a moment to think about it.  Relationships are the basis for what we do.  I can tell a child something, show a child something, help a child experience something, but it matters because I care enough to help another.  To make sure they understand, and give them a platform to know that I believe in them.   It doesn't matter if it's my job or not, I want to help the child be more successful in life.  School isn't about "gotcha"; it's about growth, learning, and relationships.

Therefore, before kids are even names on a piece of paper assigned to my room, I care about them.  As a Christian, I pray about them.  I pray that I'm what they need, that I see them with clear eyes, that whatever I will do will penetrate their heart and grab their soul to move forward.  As a teacher, I prepare for them, create an inviting space, prepare lessons that invite choice, try to create an experience where each student sees his potential beyond the classroom walls.  As a human, I repeatedly tell them, "You matter. Your fingerprints are unique.  You are needed.  There is something in the world that only YOU can provide."

At this point, it's not even a choice.  By the time they walk in my room, I already care about them.

There are many ways I show this.

1.  I listen.  Sometimes at the beginning of the year I simply sit in the back and take notes.  I stop by a group and don't speak, but I listen to how they interact.  Being quiet allows true perspective on group dynamics.  Oftentimes they forget I'm sitting there.  In the hallways, I listen to conversations. I observe groupings; I watch for those who may not be involved. 

2.  I join in.  Once or twice a week I sit with my students in the cafeteria.  Occasionally they ask me why I do this, and my reply is, "I like you.  I enjoy being around people I like."  During our daily walk I ask how things are going.  I walk with them in the hallways. I ask about siblings. I do my best to remember facts, but I'm not shy when I forget.  I simply ask again.

3.  I extend grace.  With any relationships, sometimes emotion gets in the way of good decisions.  It's important that kids understand responsibility, so occasionally consequences are inevitable.  I work to make sure that the kids understand that consequences are a result of a choice, not how I feel about them.  If this is a new concept, sometimes I have to extend it many times.  Kids will test boundaries.

4.  I ask for grace.  I'm not perfect.  I'm a continual work in progress, and this is important to remember.  My students need to know that there are times when I don't hold all the answers or have the perfect response.  It's called being human.  Being direct and honest are qualities that kids need to see adults use. 

5.  Embrace the uniqueness of each child.  Rarely are there a group of 30 people who have the exact same needs.  Look at what each child needs to be successful.  Is it standing? sitting? moving? writing? drawing? sharing?  There are a million answers, but take the time to recognize our different ways of learning.

6.  I smile.  I laugh. I choose positive.  Every day my students should know that I love being with them.  I love sharing lessons; I love giving; I love learning with them.

We all know that kids will stumble in our room from all walks of life.  Some will eagerly embrace us.  Others will challenge.  A few will scorn.  The truth is that at the end of the day it's worth every effort.  It takes time.  Some will need more time and effort.  Some will feel like a brick wall.  It's important to continue reaching - continue on the path to show them that they matter. 

When you see this, it will change your life. 

More importantly, it will change theirs.