I'll be honest, I've had a hard time writing the last few weeks. I'm not sure I can really put my finger on why, other than I was struggling with being positive. I'd write words, erase, try again, erase, and walk away - not sure my ranting was productive in any way.
My family is doing well. We are full of love.
I believe I'm doing the work God intended for me. I love my students.
I have many friends who make me smile, laugh, wonder.
So why was I having this difficulty? This darkness that was making me bitter. I was accepting words designed to hurt. I was comparing and finding myself lacking. I was always thinking of the things I needed to do instead of focusing on what I was accomplishing.
All of those things make it hard to breathe sometimes.
Then today's spiritual journey topic crossed my Twitter feed. (Thank you Holly for providing such an awesome support system #spiritualjourney has really helped me keep my focus on what IS important.) Light.
Light - my first though was how do I think about light when I feel dark inside? What can I offer about light?
Then I thought about Christmas Eve -- one of my favorite moments is when the congregation takes a single light and passes it to others and brightens the entire room. The power of one single light to make a difference in the dark.
And I was humbled. Again. Deeply.
You see, that light lives in my heart. It's bright enough to banish the darkness -- overcome my feelings of inadequacy, the words and actions of others, my work compared to God's work. Once again, it was a subtle nudge from God to stop listening to the world and instead listen to Him.
I will never be perfect.
However, with my light, I will always be enough.
Happy New Year!
I am both amazed and humbled by this post. Amazed - because my first thought is how can YOU feel inadequate? Your words are consistently inspirational! Your thoughts challenge and inspire me.
ReplyDeleteBut I m humbled because the demons of comparison plague us all. I wrestle with this, even though I cling to the quote "Comparison is the Thief of Joy."
Your words remind me that no matter how much my friends inspire me, they are fragile, and broken, like I am.
I get you, Amy. Me Too.
That's just one of the reasons that I'm so glad our lives have crossed on Twitter . . . it's nice to be understood. :)
DeleteThis is one of the many reasons that I love the Christmas Eve candlelight service. It is so powerful to watch the light spread from candle to candle. If you are looking for another source of positive thinking, I have a linky party on my teaching blog,Mrs. Laffin’s Laughings every Thursday too, called Positive Thinking Thursday. Wishing you a year of wonder and light!
ReplyDeleteJennifer
Sweet Writing Life
I will check out your blog! Thank you for the invitation!
DeleteI echo Greg's words. Those words, "Comparison is the thief of joy." became a mantra for me this year. Your reflection is powerful here, " I was accepting words designed to hurt." Knowing that doesn't erase it, but hopefully it takes some of the power away from those words. The light IS inside of you. I'm so glad you are part of this spiritual journey. This post, your words, helped me so much this morning. I'm so glad you're here!
ReplyDeleteThank you -- yes, it's easy to accept those words. I was doing it too much -- allowing the speaker too much power over my life. I'm glad you were helped - your posts often provide me the same comfort.
DeleteAmy, I think we all struggle at times with the words that just don't want to come out, but you stated it beautifully. Know that there is an inner voice that will fly when it is ready. Sometimes, that takes time to surface but when it does it is powerful for the speaker and the receiver. Please consider writing for the next REFLECT WITH ME gallery that I will send out an invitation for soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the invitation -- I look forward to it.
DeleteThose last words, "I will never be perfect. However, with my light, I will always be enough" touched me. Thank you for your vulnerable and honest thoughts today. It's important to share our struggles as well as our successes. We are with you and understand those moments of doubt and inadequacy. Focus on the LIGHT. He, like you said, helps us "make a difference in the dark." Happy New Year, Amy, and so good to hear your "voice."
ReplyDeleteThank you Holly - I'm grateful for you. Enough is a powerful word, isn't it? I considered it as my one little word, but I felt it limited me in some ways. Instead, it may become a life-long word when the doubts creep in . . .
DeleteYour post speaks to me. No matter how much I want to be positive, sometimes the negative seeps in. When I wrote my blog post for today, my first words were about how the light can reveal the dirt on our floors. But I erased them. Then I felt the words became positive. The power of the Delete button!
ReplyDeleteWhen we share our spiritual journey, we are sharing our deepest selves. We become vulnerable. But I believe we have a trusting and compassionate community to see us through. Don't be afraid of the dark.
I love the image sweeping away the negativity by deleting the words! Beautifully stated.
DeleteI have been your shoes several times this year. It helps to know that we are not alone. I hope writing helps you to work some things out, even if those words are never shared. God knows what is in our hearts. "I will always be enough."
ReplyDeleteYes -- you are never alone . . . and that brings me comfort. I'm glad we're on this path together.
DeleteAhhh.... Thank you, Amy - For helping us see this light you observe, absorb, and spread to each of us...
ReplyDeleteThank you Joy . . . you brighten my days as well. :)
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