All for the Glory of God

Four years ago I remember struggling with what I wanted to do when I grew up -- again.  You see, I spent the prior decade being a stay at home mom to four children.  I wasn't sure where God wanted me to plant roots.

As a young adult, I'd had my life figured out.  I was going to teach for ten years, begin a doctorate program, earn my Ph.D. and teach future middle school educators at my alma mater.   I was going to write books and fit a family in to the corners of my life.  I had my future planned.

Which is probably why I fell on my face.  When the twins were two, I was caught in the quandary of wearing too many labels -- Super Teacher, Super Mom, Super Wife, Super Friend, Super flop.  One cannot survive on three hours of sleep a night for months upon end.  Eventually even the weekends were not long enough to keep up with what I was doing to myself.

God was telling me to slow down.

He was telling me to let go of my reigns and pass them back to him.

He was teaching me to listen, and He would provide.

Did I mention that I'm a little stubborn?  I was devastated when I stopped teaching.  We moved across the country for my husband's job, and I went from knowing my role, being respected by many, having a reputation for extracting excellent to just another neighbor, just another mom, just another member of the masses.

Now, I'm glad that it happened.

During that decade, I had a shift in focus.  It became so much less about me and so much more what God intended.  I learned to see the beauty in life, celebrate relationships, focus on my own children.  I had many experiences on the other side of the school relationship.  I got involved in the PTA, I sat through IEPs, I felt the unique pain that parents feel during a student conference that doesn't go well.  I learned that the most important thing I could do was focus on the life that God intended for me.

You see, he was prepping me to return to what I loved doing.  He just needed me to do it with Him at the center instead of me.  It was a long process.  I was concerned that I'd return to my workaholic ways.  I was concerned that I had been out of the classroom too long.  I was concerned that I wouldn't be seen as strong as I was before.

Thankfully he didn't give up on me.  He nudged me.  Again. Again.  Occasionally he had to give me a few hurdles to lead me in the right way.  Like a bumbling sheep I followed.  I prayed.  I put Him at the center.

And I'm grateful to call myself a teacher again.  This time my focus is a little different.  I've always cared about kids and cared about their future, but this time I was a servant of His giving them what He needs me to give. 

Guess what?  I am enough. 

Though it's not because of me.

What did I learn?  To listen.  To trust.  To love.  To be faithful.

All for the glory of God.